


kinkykeith69

by SparkleAirlines



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, It's shiro ok, M/M, coral blue number two, shitpost, strip club au, the blue lion - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 18:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12138696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparkleAirlines/pseuds/SparkleAirlines
Summary: Keith and pidge go to a gay strip club pls tag urself in the comments





	kinkykeith69

In which Keith is very shy and finally gets the courage to tip his favorite stripper some mo la la. 

Keith was a simple guy. He worked a simple office cubicle job. He took the same subway line every day at 7:00 in the morning and 6:00 at night to go to work: thirty minute commute each way. He lived in a simple two room apartment with one cat, Whiskers. So, at first, he was adverse to agreeing with his coworker, Pidge to go to a gay club.  
“C’mon it would be fun” they said, leaning on the wall’s of Keith cubicle, “What’s the harm in letting your virgin eyes see some hot guys for once in your life?”.  
“My life is already plenty fun” Keith responded, keyboard clacking.  
“Wow I love it when you lie to my face” Pidge said, “you literally live the most boring life ever.”  
“I do not”  
“You literally rotate between the same three outfits everyday”  
“That’s just to be economical,”  
“Girl, you are not helping your case,”  
“Whatever you say, I’m not going to a gay club”  
“We’ll see about that”  
Of course Pidge was persistent. After a heated conversation-turned-sass-fight featuring Pidge calling Keith as basic as a ph of 14 for naming his cat Whiskers, Keith was now sitting on the subway seat taking the line downtown. The train stopped and the two hopped off the subway cart and walked several blocks. The streets became livelier and louder as the pair approached the clubbing district. Keith followed Pidge like a duckling following the mother goose. Keith looked at amazement of the animated environment before his eyes. There were street performers, drag queens, shirtless men, and women in short skirts and 9 inch stilettos. This was definitely new.  
The two finally stopped in front of a building called “The Blue Lion”. Even from the outside, the club was bustling, teeming with activity.  
“Here we are, Mr. Virgin Eyes, the most lit-ass club in town,” Pidge stated, “The music is great, the food and drinks are actually good, and the strippers in this club are just..” Pidge then proceeds to hold their hand in an ok gesture shaking said hand with vigor. “Smexy”  
“Smexy? Is that even a word?” Keith deadpans. “Why not just use attractive, well-built, aesthetically pleasing?”  
“God Keith, sometimes I wonder why you’ve never had a boyfriend yet” Pidge says  
“Sometimes I wonder why we're even friends in the first place” Keith retorted.  
“Ok part one, you obviously need to go out more you workaholic– spice up your life. And what better way to spice up your life than going out with friends?!” Pidge starts, “and part two the only person you talk to out of work besides me is you cat.”

That shut Keith up.  
The duo enters the club, electronic dance music blasting the interior. There were several go-go boys dancing on their pedestals. Some had poles and they were all working said poles like an expert. Some were wearing nothing but boots and tight neon underwear. It was all too much for Keith, he was a blushing, shaking mess. 

“Why don't we find a table and settle down first Keith, you’re literally salivating at every shirtless dancer here.” Pidge said, “I never knew the drought was this bad for you.” 

Keith couldn’t ever produce a comeback.  
Pidge led Keith to an open table on the side of the club. The pair ordered drinks, and some light appetizers. 

“So Keith, do you see any guys you’re lookin to holler at?” Pidge says, ”You know if you tip the dancers well, there more than happy to give you a little fanservice?” Pidge winks and Keith blushes again.  
“Well… they’re all– in your words Pidge– smexy,” Pidge laughs, “But right now I'm kind of overwhelmed right now, I’ll see who I like as the night progresses.”  
“Sure no rush Mr. Virgin Eyes,” Pidge says “the night is still young, and after all, the main event hasn’t even started yet.”  
“Main event?” Keith asks inquisitively.  
“Every Friday, the club has a 45 minute show featuring their most popular go-go boys,” Pidge answers, “Who knows, maybe you’ll pick a favorite. It’s not till midnight though, so in the meantime… let’s go dancing Keith! Pop our pussies on the dance floor!” Pidge says, a dangerous look on their face.  
“Pop...my...pussy?“ Keith repeats in confusion, Pidge dragging him to the side of the dancefloor.

The two begin to dancing to the beat of the dance music. Pidge noticeably being the more explosive dancing out of the two. Keith shuffled his feet to the best of his ability to make it sort of look like dancing. Although he wouldn’t admit the last time he danced on an actual dance floor was back in senior year prom– five years ago. And even back then he still managed to trip over his own two feet. Though he hasn’t improved since then, it was nice to let himself go with his closest friend. It was liberating, out of the frankly lackluster routine of his life. As Keith continued to sort of dance, out of the corner of his eye he spots a particularly attractive go-go dancer not too far away from the pair. Auburn hair and goofy smile, he was wearing green glow-in-the-dark sunglasses matched with tight, neon yellow, pink and black boxer briefs. His body was very toned but still slim at the same time; not too muscular, not too lanky, but a very attractive middle ground.  
What Keith noticed that particularly mesmerized him was his prominent six pack, his strong biceps, and small, barely noticeable trail of hair that stretch from his navel to a part that Keith didn’t really want to look at right now for fear of passing out on the spot. Keith let out a deep exhale. On top of that this mystery man could also move his body, and move it quite well in Keith’s opinion. And many other people though that too, as shown through the copious amount of bills peering out of his underwear.

“Pidge…” Keith started.  
“OHMYGOD KEITH THEY’RE PLAYING MY SONG” Pidge suddenly shrieks with pure excitement, cutting Keith off. The beginning of Rihanna’s “Work” was playing and Pidge literally stopped everything and tore up the dancefloor with a wide array of arm flails, hip shakes, and booty pops– a person submersed in their element.  
“Holy crap Pidge, this really is your song,” Keith said with a smile.  
“Fuck yeah it’s my song Keith,” Pidge says, “play it at my funeral, I will fucken jump out my coffin.”  
Keith laughs. 

He looks over to where the mystery dancer was in dismay to see an absence on the pedestal that held pretty much the love of his life. Or at least the night. “Dammit” he cursed under his breathe. His 30-second crush was now gone, slipped right out of his hands. Keith hoped he would see him again some time later in the night. Hopefully.  
The two continued to dance for several songs and headed back to their table, greeted with their food and drinks. Pidge had ordered a Pina Colada while Keith ordered a Sunkist. For food the two shared tempura seafood with a side cucumber salad.

“Wow, you’re right Pidge, the food really is great.” Keith said.  
“Of course I'm right Keith,” Pidge starts, “So how are you Keith, now that you’ve popped you gay club/stripper cherry?”  
“Okay, there’s actually this one dancer that is really, like so bad it’s good, crazy attractive.”  
“Wow Keith, should I plan the wedding already?” Pidge laughs. “Describe him for me.”  
“Well he was wearing these glow-in-the-dark sunglasses and neon pink and yello–” Keith starts.  
“Auburn hair?” Pidge asks  
“Yes,”  
“Goofy smile?”  
“Correct again”  
“YAS BITCH I know who you’re talking about. That guy is kind of new but he’s been extremely popular lately. I won’t spoil his name, because word is… “ Pidge says, leaning towards Keith ear “ … he’s going to perform tonight.” 

Keith blushes, “oh my god Mr. Perfect is going to perform, it’ll be so hot, I’m probably going to burst into flames”  
“The thirst is so real for you” Pidge says.  
“Thirst?” Keith questions.  
“It’s like you're a grandpa Keith oh my god; I can’t believe we’re only a few years apart,” Pidge says, “Thirst...hmm… thirst is like the feeling when you want someone so much, like you’re like real horny for them.”  
“I am not horny for that dancer!” Keith denies, though deep down he knew that statement held a lick of truth.

“Ok I know when you’re lying Keith and this is definitely one of those moments.”  
“Fine,” Keith says shyly. “I think he’s really attractive and I wouldn’t be adverse to kind of… you know…grindonhimalittlebit,”  
Pidge gasps, “YAS Keith let that inner goddess out from the cage she’s in! Okay here’s a dare– take this twenty...“ Pidge hands Keith said bill, “and stick it in his underwear. And make it a display, preferable with eye contact, and tell him you want him, and how he’s hotter than the the fuckin sun.”  
“Pidge first of all I can't take your money,” Keith says, “Second of all, I cannot will myself to say such... promiscuous things to that man. I’ll die of embarrassment.”

“Oh stop being a weenie and take the money Keith. It’s worth every penny to see my best friend interact with his future husband.”  
Keith blushes. “He’s not my future husband.”  
“Denial is not just a river in Egypt, Keith, it’s practically written all over your forehead.”  
Keith looks down.  
“Hey, I won’t make you do or say anything you don’t really want to do, but can you at least promise me you’ll put it in his underwear?” Pidge pleads.  
“Fine,” Keith said.  
“You won’t regret it Mr. Virgin Eyes,” Pidge winked.

10 more songs and it turned midnight. People gradually left the dance floor. The middle of the club was dimmed and a stage was put out on the front, spotlight on the curtain. A voice on the speaker came through. “People of The Blue Lion are you ready to see the hottest male go-go dancers perform onstage?”  
“YAAAAAS” Pidge screamed from the table, as loud as the other chimes of approval resonating in the club.  
“Ready or not then, here they come. Up first– you all know him, our fan favorite, it’s Champion!”  
A tall man wearing a (ITS SHIRO OK) _____________

“YAS BITCH, THAT'S MY DADDY OVER THERE FUCK”, Pidge hollers from their table, earning looks from their neighbors. Keith puts his head in his hands. I mean Champion was definitely attractive, his hair white and eyes that demanded attention, but no one could top him– Mr. Perfect.

The next few dancers came in, all very much attractive, and all doing their routines without missing a single beat.  
“Where is Mr. Sunglasses and Neon Underwear?” Keith frowned. “Maybe he’s next…” 

Four performances later, and he was still nowhere to be found. 

The dancer on stage ended his routine. “He was cute I guess… his blue hair...and red glasses...he had a hot body too…” The speaker’s pitched feedback broke through Keith’s thoughts; the MC’s voice echoed throughout the venue.  
“Unfortunately we have reached the end of our show, but don't fret... we’ve saved the best for last. Here he is, our hot and blazing rookie, ladies and gentleman give it up for THE TAILOR!”  
The crowd burst into cheers as the curtain began to rise revealing a familiar face.  
“YAAS” Pidge hollered.  
“Holy fuck,” Keith muttered. He squeezed Pidge’s hand. Nothing could have prepared him for the sight before him. He needed strength now.

Mr. Sunglasses and Neon Underwear looked like a god. He was sporting a tight-fitting pilot uniform: tie, fake badge, and shoulder patches, all wrapped around a sinfully tight white dress shirt. Tucked in his dress pants, the Tailor’s shirt revealed every single curve of his torso and biceps, two areas that Keith happened to be particularly fond of ever since his fateful encounter. His dress pants were just as tight– jet black and slim-fitting, showcased thighs that could probably crush Keith’s head. On his head was a decorated, black pilot’s cap and on his eyes were blue ombre aviator sunglasses. He wore a cocky smirk on his face, waiting stand-by for the music to start. It was Keith’s complete and total definition of sexy. 

The song played, and The Tailor began to move his body.  
♫ I can do it big; I can do it long ♫  
Swaying his hips, The Tailor danced to the words putting his entire body on display. Hips, thighs, and ass– all of them moving in-synch seductively with the beat.  
Keith knew that The Tailor could move, but on-stage he took it to completely different level. He was a master of his own body. Every move was precise and fluid, a human equivalent to a rolling surf. And right now, Keith was being swept away by the tide.  
♫ I can do it up and down; I can do it circles ♫  
The Tailor to pulled on his tie, letting the knotted cloth dangle down his neck. His hand drifted towards his shirt collar. One by one, the buttons on his shirt came undone.  
One: a peek at his magnificent collarbones  
Two: the muscular top of his chest, leading just down to...  
Three: the cleavage of his pecs,  
Four: holy–  
♫ I market it so good, they can't wait to try-uh-uh-uh-uy me. ♫  
Chest exposed for the roaring crowd, The Tailor dropped to his knees, rolling his body for the audience. Fulfilling his prediction, Keith’s brain was indeed on fire. “It should be illegal to be this hot”.  
♫ They love the way I ride it; They love the way I ride the beat; How I ride the beat ♫  
Back towards the audience, The Tailor slowly lowered himself on the floor. Back and ass front and center, The Tailor moved his hips as he made his descent, his butt moving along with it. Keith was completely mesmerized by the sight. Just when he thought it couldn’t get better, The Tailor grinded himself on the floor of the stage. Like waves in a rough ocean, his body was practically humping the ground. Keith’s soul began to depart from his screaming body. Inside, his mind was a chorus of undulating yells, sobs, and outbursts of excitement. 

“He could land his plane into my landing strip anytime.” Keith said, his thoughts slipping out of mouth.  
“Im literally screaming Keith,” Pidge said. “I can't believe it, Keith Kogane, the same person who works in the accounting department and owns a cat named Whiskers, is actually a cougar mom in disguise.”  
“Uh...UHHH…” Keith stammered.  
“No need to explain yourself...,” Pidge teased, “try not to cum in your pants though.”  
Keith choked on his drink.  
/COUGH.

♫ They love the way I ride the beat like a freak freak freak, uh ♫  
The Tailor came back up, standing: back still towards the audience. From his angle, Keith could see him undoing the knots and buttons of his tie and shirt. He gasped.  
“OH SHIT HE BOUT TO DO IT” Pidge yelled.  
Turning around – face front to the crowd – The Tailor pulled hard on the sides of his shirt, releasing himself from its confines and revealing his chiseled body underneath. Necktie in hand, The Tailor flung the piece towards the audience – “Oh my god this is not freakin happening” – right towards Keith and Pidge's table. Keith caught it right out of the air. It was slightly wet from sweat. Keith put the black tie to his nose; it smelled like an ocean breeze mingled with the slight musk of sweat. “Fucl, This has to be a dream”  
“Damn, I didn’t know you were kinky like that,” Pidge remarked, “but you do you, Keith Kogane, kinkykeith69”  
“Please shut up,” Keith glared.  
“Too late I already changed your name in my contacts, kinkykeith69,” Pidge said, swiping their phone.  
Keith groaned.

Keith glued his eye onstage, the tailor still ready to complete. 

With a combination of cheers and applause, the curtain falls, and the crowd begins to congregate back to the dancefloor. 

The two danced until the club was beginning to close

“Here,” Pidge says handing Keith a folded-up note, “sweet talk your bae with this,”  
Keith unfolds the note– “Are you a laundry machine...?” Keith reads, “Because I want to put my dirty load in you– PIDGE I'M NOT SAYING THIS”  
“YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO READ IT UNTIL YOU ASK HIM TO BE YOU SUGAR DADDY,” Pidge laugh-yells tears falling down their eyes, “I’m just messing with ya kid. OK. if you want advice– just be yourself. I know it sounds cliché– hell it is cliché, but it really does work. You may not think it, but you’ve got a charm to you, you know, like a nerdy, uptight oblivious charm– kinda like a dumb cat... in the best of ways!”  
“Thanks, I guess??” Keith responded, “For someone so verbally abusive, I’m glad you actually can be nice for a change,”  
“Well don’t expect it, but still… get out there and make me proud,” Pidge said with thumbs up, “You got this”

Keith smiles. Ok, I got this… Keith glances at his club crush. He’s still there– sitting fiddling with his phone. Keith takes a few steps.

“Hey,” Keith starts.  
“Oh hey,” The Tailor says back. He offers Keith a smile  
HOLY CRAP HE’S ACTUALLY TALKING TO ME AND NOT RUNNING AWAY AND HIS VOICE AND HIS SMILE IS BEAUTIFUL I’VE FALLEN IN LOVE ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN HE’S A 1,000.  
“...You’re that guy who really fukl’d me up”

“SAY THE LINE” Pidge mouthed aggressively 

“UGUGGUUFHhggGgHhhhHhHhHhHHHH” Keith’s stammered. His hand was shaking— the paper in his hand was crumpled and beginning to be covered by sweat.  
“Uh...Are you a laundry machine ???”


End file.
